30's

I think time and time again i keep asking myself this question : what is life ? 

What do we do with it and ...... how shall we deal with it?

Forgive me as I have not been able to find an answer for these questions and Im feeling tired of repeating the same questions and getting no answers.

So, lets do this differently, shall we? 

What has changed since say vs 10 years ago? (Maybe this time , i'll do some "comparisons" just for the sake of marking some growth in myself. I guess its better now or never to self reflect if I've done any real / good changes to my life eh?)

1) Age -- is this really gonna be my first question? unfortunately yes. Age wise - i have added 10 years to my life , and still feeling pretty unsure about whats happening . However, i would be grateful that Covid hit in my 30s not my 20s cause I did have a good time back then. I spent my 20's chasing my dreams, going on travels beyond my wildest dreams, I was literally breathing in good vibes only, I even (bless me) managed to date a few different people and at the end, i would definitely say , i spent my 20s well. As much as i would say that the past 10 years were full of a lot of "downs", i would rather take a twist and say, I LEARNT A LOT.

2) Fitness -- this was something that was somewhat a yoyo effect too. Most of my efforts of being healthier and fitter went down the drain as i dived deeper into the asian work culture. I was proud proud proud of overworking myself to the core until i was hospitalised not once, but twice. It took me being admitted to the hospital twice to start prioritising my fitness. but again, I started trying to work out, did well, then slacked for many years in between and am currently starting it up again. Im glad to report on this side of the deal, i'm finally trying harder to get back into another shape other than being round. I realised the problem isnt what's really in my DNA, but whats going on in my brain.

so ladies out there, sleep well, eat well and increase intensity minutes. get a garmin/fitbit (im into these sorta things now). it helps. 

3) Career -- i once thought i had a great career, work hard no play high pay, right? NO.

Once i started taking a step back and putting proper milestones in my life, i realised i was getting no where in life by spending so so much. For an average adult like me, there was simply no point chasing designer bags, bespoke dresses, lifestyle moments. I did it all, but it left me with a lot more greed and jealousy. It took a long hard look at my life (and my finances) to realise that I was simply putting way too much pressure on portraying that perfect social media life I wanted.

What good is it to "escape" from the job for a few days in a year for a holiday when you never really get to enjoy it? Simply put : enjoy life at all times. not just on holidays. it heals the soul better, it keeps you happier and definitely makes you a better person.

4) Would I change it all? Rewrite my life ?

Maybe. Maybe not. If i could i would definitely write out a couple of people off from my life a lot earlier. I would tell my younger self that love will come when it needs to happen. I would have told myself to stop overspending on luxuries that are not needed. I have a roof over my head, a job that i love, friends who i care about and who care about me. I do not need more.

I would tell myself to take those cheap trips or once a blue moon expensive trips, those were worth it cause it changed me and gave me more motivation, but dont chase after something you would easily forget within a year. don't chase so hard that you lose yourself in the process. dont forget all these important lessons we've been through the past 10 years. 

Most of all, forgive yourself for you are only human. Mistakes are bound to happen and guess what? The Critics are bound to come and go, cause those that aren't there, those critics aren't your friends, they aren't your mentors... You make a decision on what or who will serve a purpose in your life and then learn, adapt and be kind.

Love yourself a lot more. Be gentle with your heart.

And for gods sake Shyuan, you are only 30 years old, you will be stronger and better before you know it.